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Where are the woke male heroes?

Fact is, being a man by today’s standards is, by all accounts, kind of boring. As I’ve said before, being a functioning adult Male is mundane to say the least when compared to what toxic masculinity offers. Feminists want you to stop indulging in violent power fantasies, playing around with misogynistic imagery, and for the love of god actually learn to be in touch with one’s feelings. In a world where every love interest looks like a model, men grow up loathing and entitled but also longing for a world where being what is the norm just isn’t it. For as much as social justice has promised us a more equal and fair world, it has also given us a boring one. As it feels, no minority can be bad, no woman can be wrong, and any underrepresented group must be first at bat or the whole thing is boring.

Trust me, I get it, social justice leaves the modern world where everything isn’t sufficient in being progressive enough if it isn’t the vanguard, but fails to understand that we all can’t find joy in everything being the most edgy around. Most of us want more LGBT representation, but it’s hard to be happy with what we see if every Yahoo with a camera gets to upload videos about how it didn’t do enough, as though less is somehow violence against said group. And by less, I mean what was done without the extra added.

Finding one’s identity, even in fiction, is hard. As a culture, we used to just find simple identities, but I fear we’ve reached the point where it’s not that simple anymore, and I think that’s why you have so many young men buying into the fantasy of being “the alpha Male” as was proven years ago, the idea of the alpha Male Wolf was a misread myth. The alpha was the Male wolf that was the best parent, only in enclosures were alphas the most violent. But that I fear is what many men feel; as though what escapism allows is getting limited.

As much as it sound like I’m defending it, fact is, the number of Male figures you see on TV that play more to what the average heterosexual Male wants is limited. And I say that as an observation, so spare me the mocking “male tears meme. Fact is, so many men buy into the alpha Male fantasy when they get into martial arts, music, fashion, or whatever because not enough appeals to them as far as what they could be AND woke. In a nutshell, the woke paradigm for Male imagery feels less fun and more like austere virtue signaling. Where is the bad ass who respects women? Where is the hero that has friends who are people of color and gay? Hell, where is the straight Male hero that has healthy relationships with women AND fucks?

Fact is, men go toxic because social justice seems to have a tendency to tell men to live like Eunuchs almost and bringing it up is seen as taboo. Seriously, If you wonder why nothing seems to speak to guys who go MGTOW or the like, consider that we as a society have become so politically correct that we have no room for even playful transgressive entertainment. Its why shows like Arrow are so popuar: its a guy kicking ass and shooting people. In this climate, I can see how vigilante justice leaves a bad taste in peoples mouths, but understand that everyone else gets their fix as a far as ideological escapism and pretending that wokeness means we now have to be that admittedly weird guy that has way too much wonder woman memorabilia or the like is painful to say the least. The cop lovers and military lovers get a show or movie every other year if not every year, the spy people get theres, the girl detective lovers get theirs on PBS, everyone watches superhero movies, but what becomes of the guy who wants a masculine hero that isn’t a terrible person to minorities?

I ask this because if you wonder what drives men to be MGTOWs or drop out of society culture wise, its this; this being the fact that social justice keeps narrowing the margin for what won’t elicit complaints as far as things we see in pop culture. We can’t go back in history because then a discussion of how sexist or homophobic that culture was, we can’t go forward because then people will wonder why certain concepts like gender or race or sexuality still exist, and we can’t stay here because then it becomes a question of why we don’t exist in a alternate society than the one we live in. its not that society can’t be imagined to be more woke, its that often what social justice imagines as a world they wish they wanted is a nice world, but it isn’t interesting just on the pieces they’ve imagined themselves. A world where superman is a woman, or the president is a black woman, or the villains are basically nazis or even that the military has fully integrated women into it where women are in high rankings is a good thing, but what are we HERE for? What is female superman’s regular life like? What’s it look like for the black female president running for reelection? Are there countries that the evil nazi guys are legit allies with? Are the female generals happy with their job? And don’t give me the excuse that when their men we don’t ask these questions as I ask them more to flesh out the non white male characters than most fiction does.

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I WILL NEVER HAVE SWAG, STOP ASKING

I dont hate women. Women arent why im so pissed off at this point with things. Its not even dating per say. Its my fellow millenials in general.

Ill say it again for the upteenth time: why is it as a society we think its cool to have so much of modern masculinity built off ideals that sound more dumb 90s high schooler than actually effective in being a fuctioning adult?

Let me explain: a guy at my job who im glad came back after doing a few years in the pen for….reasons (no one died or was raped) said to me i need to lower my standards and just fuck what women i can till i can get my numbers up. Now, without going too far detail into my sex life, I can tell you that if there was ever a reason my sex life has been awkward to say the least, its because when flirted with by women, i dont want to say the wrong thing and when i get sex, my body panics due to fear of disease and that i have clear as day self worth issues.

I dont blame women for why i have low confidence, I blame the culture i and other men grow up in that tells us we need to be out there fucking a lot and not building any emotional attachment to women. I dont know if its just cynicism or that a lot of men grew up with awful women around them, but i think theres something to be said when IM the weird guy for wanting to find an actual connection of some sort with a woman before we start fucking.

I could deal with FWB if me and her were ACTUAL friends, IE what me and Tyggr used to be before she got an actual boyfriend. I fall more for women im friends with than just random women that make my dick hard because if theres no actual connection, my pursuit of you is me going a long way to do what i could do on my own.

I need a human, I need a story, I need a connection. The fact i get called gay for really only wanting to fuck women I actually care for on some level says a great deal about the society we live in. Let me say that again: IM viewed as being attracted to MEN because i would preffer that with WOMEN I like that I would like to have some sort of idea who they are before we fuck. Again, my literal stance is this:

Its why I hate dating sites to be honest as either way, its a lot of being matched with people who might be nice but do nothing for you physically or people who do but with huge flaws. Id try to date at Cons, but at this point, the women options have boiled down to this:

So im just…i dont know, fuck it. If ive gotta be alone, fine. But ill be damned if im gonna just go out and just fuck women i might hate just because theyre available. Fuck that

An honest yet incomplete rant about black nerd men and our beauty standards

A few years ago, I wrote an article that said black men need to just give up on black women and date exclusively outside our race. The reason I said that is because, like black conservative on this site, I believed that all black women want the bad boy. In the years since, ive dated more, fucked more black women, dated more black women, talked to more black women and what ive gathered is that the problem is not them in relation to my luck with dating them, but rather how I view things and my approach. See, there are black women that love bad boys. But there are white women, latina women, asian women, middle eastern women, literally every race of women has its set of women that view being an asshole as being confident, and you know why thats frustrating? Because most in the black community look like this:

The harsh reality is that black nerd mens lack of finding love with black women isn’t swag or drip or height, it’s that you all literally think with your dicks then wonder why the only women you are drawn to make you horny but do nothing for you personality wise. Fact is, women aren’t a hive mind you can narrow down the logic of to memes and youtube videos. The hard truth is that all the black men that claim they have game or whatever makes them seem cool are men that appeal to a certain set of women that maybe we don’t attract but makes us no less men. As far as black women Ive found attractive, it pretty much looks like this:

Fact is, black nerd men do in fact suffer from entitlement and my year long excursion into the internet underworld that is the incel and MGTOW communities is that frankly black nerd men deserve no sympathies BECAUSE they feel they are owed it along with women that deny them. Black nerd men do not deserve sympathy because as someone whos moved amongst them, I can tell you that the ones that find love learn a simple valuable lesson: don’t be a dick, or at least not enough of one that you scare away potential loves.

This is Dee and his wife Angie. Dee along with his buddies Chris and Arris host my favorite podcast of all time, 3BlackGeeks:

Sure, crack all the jokes you want about his wife or him, but the man is HAPPY. He’s in a loving marriage, got 3 beautiful kids and a great show with his friends and is an outspoken black nerd that thankfully calls out other black nerds for being shitty, me included. In fact, there was one point where Dee and his wife tried years ago to drag me out of my self loathing and put in all in perspective. The reality is, I should have listened to Dee when he was willing to talk to me and now I find myself realizing how right he is and how miserable a lot of you are.

In the bluntest terms, a lot of black nerd men were, are and remain miserable because, and due to it getting this dire, I have to use pictures. Basically, the average black nerd man sucks at dating because we are this:

But because were fucking idiots and want women who look like this, regardless of if they like the same shit as us or are even available:

We fuck up, go against our strengths, and listen to guys like this:

Then wonder why everyone who listens to our perspective on women says we sound insane. Fact is, I can tell you that black nerd man can find love, but first it requires being willing to admit our faults, among them being that a lot of us are well, shitty, or at least have shitty ideas about women and this is why we fail. I do not say this for high fives, or laurels or forgiveness, but because I see this as a big fucking problem as my generation ages out of our 30s but many of my peers still look at not just dating but women in general with the logic of some sexually frustrated 19 year old. Seriously, if you’re at the point where the only woman type of woman that gets you up in the morning is this:

Then why are you shocked that you fail? I’m sure Chelas Way is a lovely woman and has a glowing personality, but in my heart of hearts, I know I’d have nothing to say of use to her. Any attempts at trying to hit on her would be pointless because its obvious thats why Im there; my dick is hard, please show it mercy. Meanwhile, of the women I listed as what im into beauty wise are women I could TALK TO. Sure, I might not get far with Maserati as, c’mon, shes a pornstar, she can smell my hornyness on me, but I can be respectful and say i’m, besides, she wouldn’t be the first pornstar I met one on one (Google Lucky Starr), I could talk with the actress who played Liberty about her career during and after her time on degrassi, I could talk to Lupita about living abroad, I could talk to Kelis about how I love her first album. Point is, Id have something to say and I wouldn’t have this illusion of grandeur that I could talk my way into their pants. This troupe that women can be glamoured into opening their legs with ones words is a greatly exaggerated as basic decency goes a long way, but lets not delude ourselves into thinking were OWED the baddest chicks around because of money, or careers, or that we manage to do the bare minimum of not going to jail or having random kids.

The reason so many of us fail is because so many of us want to be like our stogy smoking, misogynistic, dyed in the wool asshole uncles who still pull women but fail to notice that what works for them does not work across the board. Women today are more resistant to sexist and misogynistic men BECAUSE ours has seen the affects of women who suffered such actions. Are there still women that think this shit is cute? Yes, but I can tell you that the number is shrinking and that I can tell you that the only reason so many of you only still think the dwindling minority of women willing to put up with this behavior wholesale are women that if you pan out either have nothing to lose by putting up with it as it plays to their comfort, which again tells me you have shitty standards or they’re women that eventually will tire of this shit in one capacity or another.

I don’t WANT to shit on black nerd men, but It has to be said: we have shitty ideas on black women in general and frankly if you can’t say it’s gotten worse, you cannot say it’s gotten much better. Ok, so she like thugs, what’s to stop you from finding black women who DON’T like thugs? Don’t say it’s because your a nerd, and don’t use my dumbass argument that black nerd women only like white or asian guys, because its not possible they ALL only like white and asian guys, maybe something about how you move is what fucks you up. Ill say it now, i’m not perfect with women myself, but perfection should never be the goal as far with love. There is no uniform idea of perfection, and this is proven by the fact that I could say that my dream woman as far as looks go is Lupita Nyongo, but I know at least 3 of you reading this will have differing standards from my own.

When people talk about toxic masculinity, we mean men like R. Kelly

I have a story. my friend. Let’s call him luke. Luke is and was the coolest walking guy in the room. He can dance, he can sing, he can rap, he’s handsome, he can talk to any woman, can fight, good a video games. Really anywhere he went where he was known was a welcome place. I met him years ago when he was hanging with another friend of mine and we went to a party at a house where, well, shit got out of hand. I knocked over a hookah pipe, and the next thing I knew, I had a gun to my head. Luke, in his wisdom and charm, talked down the situation and we were allowed to leave. But not before we spent another hour smoking more weed to make amends for the flare up. Like I said, the guy was charming. We got out, I started hanging with him more and eventually there were more situations where I saw how well this man worked in social situations. Whether it was hanging at the pool in Kalamazoo, chatting up women at the bars in Ann Arbor, singing at the Avenue Cafe in Lansing, the man was amazing. I thought he could do no wrong.  he had his first child, whos about 7 now, then his second, whos 2. Then, the fights happened. He got in fights a lot. People, his parents, exes. Luke brought a girl over to my place when he first started crashing on my couch, I’ll call her nina (you’ll see why I changed a lot of names soon enough), I walked with him to meet her when she walked to my apartment and we walked back. Now, me being to hopped up on the moment, I thought nothing really of letting what I would later find out was a runaway 16 year old girl crash at my place, I figured better than letting her run the streets. Let her crash on the couch, get her out at daylight, leave her be with my netflix in the living room. When we got back, I had to leave for what was about, let’s say 15 minutes to run to the liqour store to buy 7up and some gummi bears, it was late and I admit im a bit of a sugar addict. I get back, the only people in the apartment being me, our friend tater, luke and nina. Tater was sitting watching sister, sister on his iPad, but nina and Luke were gone. No matter. I took a shot of UV blue, chugged my 7UP and went for my room. Locked. The fuck?

I get the door open. Luke. is in bed. With nina. I should note that Luke is about 2 years younger than me and I was born in 1991, so simple math will tell you that I just walked in on the aftermath of a crime being committed. I wanted to freak out, but she explained that he was he boyfriend and that she was planning on running away from he abusive father and…yeah, it gets worse from here. She hid her phone, made sure noone could find her, then…luke disappeared. Just hours later, he just up and booked it from my place. So now I was left with this minor in my apartment, a young white girl runaway in my apartment that smelled of weed, vodka and astroglide. And I had to go to work. So I did the only thing I could think to do. I talked to her. I asked her why she left home. By her accounts, her father was molesting her and she hated her life. I told her Id help every which way I could, but I needed to go to work real quick. I tried to do my shift of dishwashing in peace while thinking, but then…luke showed up. The man was clearly still drunk. Not hungover, drunk. By the time I got back, my landlady had called the cops, and now I had her twin sister anna, and two different PDs in my place. Needless to say, when you’ve got 4 cops outside your place and a minor in there, you clean pretty damn fucking fast. But she got out, left with her sister and a female officer and things went somewhat back to “normal”. Luke? More couchsurfing, weed dealing, he had baby number 3, got engaged to a 18 year old girl, Then, the nina situation came back and hes in jail. Again. 1500 dollars bail and facing a criminal sexual conduct 1st degree. No job. Child support likely coming for him soon.

I bring all this up to make this point because I’ve seen what a man who preys on young girls looks like first hand and I can tell you that I saw all of what I saw with luke is what ive seen for years in toxic black men like R kelly. The charm, the manipulation, the instability, the bad parenting, the excuses, the belief that fucking a lot makes one a man. This. this is what I mean when I say that toxic masculinity in the black community has reached the point where we can’t continue to treat men who sleep with young girls as normal just because a few young girls like to pursue older men. Children have bad ideas. A lot of bad ideas. But it’s men’s responsibility to not FACILITATE said bad ideas. Men like Luke or R kelly ARE ubiquitous in the black community, but should not be TOLERATED, let alone NORMALIZED. They should be shamed, arrested, jailed, barred from living near schools, we shouldn’t justify men who prey on young girls as just playing to their natural desires.

And to answer your question, Yes, I told the police what he did. its not that I have nieces, or young cousins, its that men who do this kind of shit make the world a much worse place to live in. children are unsafe, parents worry, girls grow up thinking men treating them like cattle is normal. this isn’t right and shouldn’t be covered up or defended. if hes going to hurt or kill me, so be it. but ill be damned if ill sit silent as this man gets away with taking advantage of young girls in front of me and yet I rail so hard against R. Kelly. I must be consistent in something, why not this?

When I talk about toxic masculinity, I mean the types of masculine traits that only hurt and never make things better, when we think its cool to fuck without discrimination, or be manipulative to women or treat other men like lessers for not doing enough to get sex with women that require a certain amount of moral compromising to get the attention of, in ways you get these kinds of men. R kelly flipping out really is what happens when one finally is faced with the reality of their bad actions and must answer for them and explain why they shouldn’t be punished for it.

Dear black men: its not single moms, its us

Lets face it, black culture as male centric as its always been has not been good for any of us. We’ve normalized misogyny, reckless violence, materialism, colorism, and misogynoir. I don’t claim i’ve never done it, but if anything I know it when I see it due to having done these things. If there was ever a time for black women to take over the direction of black culture, now would be a better time than any. On the light end, black men want black culture to go backwards, we want to go back to the early 2000s or 90s even when “men could be men” and men could openly be awful to women and society either said nothing or even laughed it off. Black men, while not all but many, want to go back to a time before there was a grand accountability for our actions and when men could generally awful human beings towards black women and run zero risk. I was raised in a single parent household for my entire childhood. Whether it was living with my mom, living with her mom, my father or my father’s mother, the fact was I grew up in a predominantly female run environment. Does that mean I was raised better or less toxic than the average black man? No, but it has given me insight into the lunacy that we as black men think is normal. For as much as I look at the pookie and ray rays as idiots, I think the problem isn’t that they exist or that women fuck them, its that on a unilateral level culturally, we as black men like to pretend that those kinds of men are what we’re supposed to be on some level, and we refuse to just accept that we all can’t be them along with shitting on any black man that deviates from this ideal. Please stop blaming black women for making the kinds of black the hate. If literally the only thing that stands between black men being criminals, rapists and woman beaters is that women are or are not fucking them, than the problem isn’t the women, its men who have become addicted to being terrible people and need to use sex from women as an excuse to enable their shitty actions. Seriously, it’s not that hard.

This isn’t a pro black conservative article as frankly that’s just as bad but worse in other aspects, the only thing that sets a pookie apart from a guy like jesse lee peterson or certain other writers on this site is that a pookies endgame is more libertarian in nature and leads to some semblance of a world where black women can carve out their own destiny persay, where as the black conservative man has a vision that is not only authoritarian in nature, but also incredibly hypocritical in its desire. Think about it: they want black women to pick better men to make babies with, but likely hate hypergamous women that have standards. So which is it? Is there a glass ceiling on a woman’s wishes as far as a man?

I don’t blame single moms as the stereotype of the single mom that raises a wild child is an incomplete theory. What no one takes into account is that her sons become shitty not simply because there are no positive male influences, but rather that the culture around him normalizes many bad behaviors that believe you me, single mothers have to go above and beyond to train that bullshit out of us, but peer pressure is a motherfucker. We blame single mothers for not keeping a good man around but forget that for decades, black men have been buying into every negative image about us sold that made a few pretty but dumb women swoon. Single parenthood didn’t go up because of welfare or only because of over policing, single parenthood happened because we bought into the idea that a strong black man was a man that fucked without discretion and didn’t care about how it affected things beyond them.

I’ve seen this discussion many a times and frankly it’s hard to boil the solution down to “Just pick better men” many of us, men and women in the black community have different ideas about what a good man is, whatsmore the economic angle edges off when you realize that plenty of black women outearn black men. “So why don’t they go for the black men in their circles?” it’s not always that said men only want white women at that stage, it’s that a lot of black men who are at that apex tend to be well, shitty people. Remember, a man with a good job does not make him a good boyfriend, husband or father. It doesn’t make him automatically interesting, or charming or a good lover in any aspect. All it says is that you can pay the bills. Let’s assume she can do that on her own. NOW WHAT?

I don’t deny or make excuses for black men with toxic behaviors because when you break it down, we actually do, especially in regards to women. We treat other men as being better with women simply because they got women we want, we pretend that we can narrow down how to charm a woman to a science when if it was, peer review would show that some of the shit you all say and do only works because you all literally only fuck with attractive women with low self esteem, but because you all got the best looking woman you could find and hold her up on social media like a prize caught fish, you feel proud. This is what I was talking about when I said “toxic masculinity is slow to die off because it’s a bit fun” it’s thrilling when you get online and post a picture with you and a girl that every other guy around you desires and get tons of likes and comments, trust me I know. But I’m telling you that such shit has a shelf life and I see the shutdown of it coming faster and faster in the age of #MeToo and feminism controlling more of the narrative around the intergender politics of men and women.

Things like swag and game are hated by black men like me because deep down, we know we aren’t cut out to be the type of men that go full bore ashy. The red pill for black men is something that sounds like it can open one’s mind up to being the kind of man that is desired by women in and out of the black community, but the reality is that many of us are men who simply need to swallow our pride, learn to love ourselves, and stop blaming women for why shit goes south with our love lives and our communities. Black women didn’t teach us to be gangbangers, black women didn’t teach us it was cool to physically harass women, and black women have been telling us to stop treating them like shit for decades at this point, but because some black women put on a skimpy dress or don’t play to our ego, we straight up ignore the call to basic human decency and then wonder why #Blackmenaretrash exists. Sure, one can argue that not all black men do trash things, but not enough of us do enough to call out other black men that do these things and in some cases, some of us make excuses for them.

“Muh, your just trying to get pussy” let’s assume I am, Honestly, I’d be in good company even if I didn’t. If I can say one thing by and large about the kind of women that actually are responsible for normalizing shitty behaviors, its that they are just as bad as the men that make excuses for it all. I’m not owed sex, but as far as the idea anyones owed sex for what amounts to basic human decency is part of the problem. The rest of the problem lies in ideas like black women destroyed the black household by being promiscuous and not that the men fucked and left, that we need to treat women like “queens” but never acknowledge their sovereignty, that one must base their respect of a woman off how many kids she has, if she’s married and how she’s dressed. Honestly, I’m not shocked when more and more women like Christelyn Karazin pop up and let me say that I agree with her in that black women should abandon us en mass if this is how were going to build our logic as men. I find it sad at the very least and frightening at the worst due on the fact that so many of us talk like middle school never ended at that acting this way because a handful of immature women think its cool. Congrats you’ve learned to love the bomb. Don’t cry when there’s nothing left of you when it blows.

For awkward black man when swag isnt enough

What most my argument is based off of:

As someone who’s been in the depths of incel and MGTOW sites for black men, I can tell you that there’s one thing that they all fear more than anything, and that’s being a so called simp. The fear is that on a micro level, being a simp creates situations where an otherwise shitty woman uses you for, well things. Money, food, i’ve gone on about it on my episode where I talked about how I get used for free food. On a macro level, the belief is that by making a world where women are able to get over on men with little effort is a bad sign for society. But lets explore this shall we?

The only thing a woman is allowed to use a man for without a man being called a simp is sex. The logic in the minds of every idiotic young black mans mind is that if im just fucking her and don’t have to give her anything, im on top. But does anyone think about womens wants? Maybe she doesn’t need a relationship because you really only offer dick and really beyond that your a fucking burden to her? Maybe the reason only so many men fuck to have a place to live (hobosexuals) is because there really are a lot of women that feel as though they need to have a man in their life that will make them feel sexually fulfilled? And why does being a man whos only use to women is dick make so many men feel powerful and not objectified? Perhaps the answer lies in guys like me.

See, men like me have always existed: the awkward, the average looking, the men with potential that walk away from it because so many men like me look up and see men with huge fucking flaws, chads and tyrones if you will, that get so much handed to them with zero effort, and by much, I mean A LOT of women want to fuck them. As was said in the above video, not every woman likes chad thundercock, or in this case, tyrone pantherpenis (why did I fucking write that? Dear god) but to find a woman that doesn’t like a tyrone seems, well, hard. As much as it sounds like Im doubling down on a point ive made on here multiple times, the reason guys like me tend to date outside our race is because when you start searching for dates as an awkward black guy, the shits not cute and really you tend to be left with, well a lot of awkward white chicks. Ive dated a few, trust me. And they were sweet women, but I tell you this with full honesty: If I could meet a woman with their understandingness of how awkward I am but was black, I would get my shit together pronto as I wish I could meet a woman that understood both my blackness and why socially I am very out of sync with society.

But women are reading this and are like “but they’re are plenty of awkward black girls that would date you if you would just stop being trash” and I agree. So many socially awkward black men are lost because in the end rather than just lean in to the parts of us that women might like, we still try to be tyrone pantherpenis or youngblood priest and the shit doesn’t work. Not only because it doesn’t fit, but the women that like it are some of the worst matches for awkward black men. Fact is, ive been the kind of man that tried to dumb pimp logic his way into a womans heart, but looking back, I was only trying to get laid. And to be honest, some of those women were legit terrible people. Not because they rejected me, but because they were going for men that even they admitted were shitty to them, but because they were the prettiest girls around, everyone felt a need to chase after her like hyena after a deer covered in porterhouses.

The harsh truth is that for the awkward black man, getting swag by others standards isn’t the answer as it only attracts women THEY’D want, but likely wouldn’t be what YOU want. The reason you see so many black guys just dip out and go MGTOW isn’t simply that they find themselves drawn to beautiful women that don’t like them or that they can’t get laid, its that for many, I think the reality is that we are men often left in situations where finding romance amongst ourselves isn’t easy as everyone expects you, as a black man, to fit into a nifty box where you are expected to dress like a rapper, complete with Jordans or have a savoir faire that for whatever reason, you just don’t have. Maybe you were raised in the suburbs, maybe you were that kid whose parent kept their head in books, maybe you just weren’t cut out to be as swagged out as your peers because you’ve simply never lead a life that required such mindsets to exist? The answers vary in many ways.

So what is the answer? Do we swag ourselves out? Not really. Look I can tell you that if you’re not about that life, have never been about that life and never will be, its best you just learn to build a social filter, find people who like the same stuff as you and for the love of your respective deity, don’t let peer pressure hold you back or send you down a road where you act so out of character you scare away good people. So far, ive done it 3 times with two different women and I must say I miss one of them dearly. The fear of being the guy who gets attached to a woman he’s fucking or not fucking is a halfway rational fear, but one must have a come to jesus moment and realize that your SUPPOSED to be in love. If they reject you, that’s fine. If you don’t want to be just their friend, that’s fine too. Just don’t be a cunt about it and things will be great.

The problem is that growing up as a straight black man, awkward straight black men’s greatest enemy isn’t women, its our minds telling us we need to use the same logic as our grandfathers, fathers and older brothers when we know it isn’t us. Keep in mind, those are people that view us when we get white women as having come up when really they’re no different than any other woman, it’s just that the culture we live in gives them different experiences and, yeah, they look different. Big. fucking. deal. The truth is, women who love the most dysfunctional of men do tend to be the most attractive, and in the end, we base our worth as men off what the best looking women love as far men go.

“But women get old and then want the good guys! Muh wall!” Ok, and? Fact is, plenty of people hit a point where no matter how well they hold up, time by comparison isn’t fair in terms of looks. Look, not everybody operates like your aunt who hit 40 and your uncle divorced her for a 19 year old or your uncle who got broken up with by your aunt and left for some rich guy with a huge dick. Not everyone gets old and suddenly stops being even halfway attractive if their looks allow it, so why do we teach men that women are supposed to come crawling back just because they got old? There are pornstars well into their 30s and 40s that still get plenty of work, but because we have this idea that youth automatically equals better in women because apparently a womans worth, even sexually, dies off or starts to die off at 30. The idea that men are supposed to only pursue women like this:

But im in some way lacking as a man because Im drawn to women like this:

Nice

Then why is anyone shocked when women call men misogynists for saying that women are ineligible to be considered hot due to years and not, yah know, actual looks? Why are you shocked when guys are on youtube saying men need to groom young girls to be able to fuck a virgin when every man grows up liking the second group here because apparently were all supposed to have the sexual tastes of a Hollywood executive with a midlife crisis?

The Noble Savages’ Grave: a weird rant

Part of the reason I chat with john pennymon is because on one level, the guy reminds me of much of my father’s side of the family, with being a vet and a bit of a acerbic asshole. The other half is because frankly the man kind of reminds me of my father. But this isn’t necessarily about him. Instead, this is more about the fact that his saga is more of the sign of what it means to be a man in the age of social media and social justice being the norm. John has written articles here about his troubles, so I hope you give them a read, but the fact is that he’s kind of seen first hand that being man that’s considered problematic, is beyond just a minefield. It’s a fucking war.

To understand why things are so…well, agro, you must understand a simple fact about things: we live in a time where were fighting with reality. Reality simultaneously being the result of bad fantasies sold to us and the reality of how bad things need to change. I don’t deny that feminists are right when they talk about things like toxic masculinity or the inherent misogyny of a lot of the logic men have towards women, but I don’t think anything gets solved by just listing off the what or trying to come up with why without an honest discussion of how. How did we get as men in the western world to think this kind of behavior is normal and why just now has it gotten to where women literally have to have men exiled from polite society just to get the message across “hey, don’t rape and sexually harass women”?

When I hear the tapes of Harvey Weinstein badgering women to come to his hotel room, it sounds less like a man who knows people and more like a sad, sad man begging and being pathetic. It doesn’t make it right or in any way justified, but I did notice a contingency of men saying this was the result of a lack of game and this kind of logic making for the failures of men trying to be terrible as something I’ve seen for years but couldn’t give a name to. Until now.

In western society, there’s sort of a collective trope of masculinity that I’ll call the noble savage trope. The noble savage on the whole is just an ubermensch that somehow manages to work around the trappings of modernism and capitalism. A man that holds no lands and takes no wives, but watched for nothing. He’s a man that men in western society envy because in one way or another, he gets what many men want but gets it without being beholden to the prerequisites many men feel they need to meet just to get certain women.

One example of what I’m talking about is what’s often seen in blackcel circles about how the tyrones get the best looking women with very little effort. To put what they see happens in simple terms, it’s like this, the tyrones get this:

And see women who live like this:


And while the reflex is “ha ha she fucked up” the better standard should be “if she’s this prone to picking bad men, why do you care? She can’t be so hot that you feel a need to harbor a grudge” which in turn makes it clear that the hope of being this kind of guy is a lot of wish fulfilment and not an actual betterment of oneself. It’s the reason MGTOWs are seen as the least sympathetic of all the manosphere as they actively seek the thing that won’t make them any better then complain when it hurts them.

The constant argument about soyboys and male feminists is on some level a valid one, but one that fails because no one offers an even heeled argument against them. It turns into catastrophizing about how western women are going to crash society into anarchy with their growing army of beta males, which actually doesn’t make a whole lot of sense…but yeah.

Why does black masculinity have to be toxic to black women?

I wished I could stop having to write about these things, I wished I could just go off into the night and let my past work die off. But it doesn’t, and I see the harm it does to the world around me. Every few weeks, that damn article I wrote whining about how black nerds can’t get black women and you know what? The comments are right, I am the problem. I am the problem because I with that and many other actions I have committed have become an arbiter for the toxic elements of masculinity, in this case the idea that men are owed women for meeting certain standards of what it means to be a good man by capitalists standards.

I say that black masculinity has all but harmed black women not because black men are super predators or that were evil, but that when we hear black women say black men are trash, we don’t stop and question where that comes from. Sure, it’s impossible for EVERY black man to be a monster, but please understand that a great deal of us are at the very minimum complicit in normalizing or rationalizing ideas that harm black women, one of them being that certain black women are exempt from things like justice and respect because they don’t fit a certain moral barometer and that black society got worse when we started treating such people as people. The belief that sex workers, single mothers or women that just like to fuck don’t deserve to be treated like people is very dangerous and why I denounce so much of my past work on this site as I’ve seen the danger of what doing things like saying Nola darling from she’s gotta have it is a bad character or saying that single moms ruin black men by not properly preparing them for actual life as a black man dating black women. If anything it leads to the second problem for why black masculinity is so shitty: we teach women that only a few deserve humanity and we teach the men to become sexual sociopaths to feel like a man. This harms men as a whole in many ways, but hurts black men in a way that burns slow.

I’m not saying every black man needs to go home and be a family man, what I am saying is that it’s at the minimum counter productive to have the modern paradigm of fuck a lot of women to be seen as a man, and at the worst, highly irresponsible and somewhat dangerous to keep having a community full of men thinking like this when we really only ever see it be positive either in fiction or in rare cases where a very charismatic man found a lot of vulnerable women. For as much as the BMAT group of women have some complaints that are a bit austentatious at times, at the core, black men do need our come to Jesus moment about how shitty we are to black women in certain ways and maybe even start just quietly but openly saying to other men “I’m not going to let you actively harm women” sure, maybe you can’t stop every guy from calling women bitches, but you can check him when he tries to justify harm against women. It’s only fair.

The reason I say telling black men that being players and whatnot is not a good thing is that every man can’t grow up to fuck a lot of women or be perceived as doing so. SOME of us are probably going to need to just find one woman and settle down as that’s more our speed. As a community, to constantly normalize men being promiscuous as initiation into manhood while also complaining about single moms makes about as much sense as Reagan voters complaining that black people live in drug infested communities but supported him, Oliver North and George Bush when it was revealed that they had let the contras funnel cocaine into black communities to fund their war. In short, you can’t complain about the negative side effects of something that only exists because of something you SUPPORT.

For as much as I wish I could continue to rail against black women’s rage, at the core of it all, there really are issues of real hurt that need to be addressed. If you want to be a dick about it, the relationship collectively between many black women and black men is like Joker and Harley Quinn: the man is deep and dedicated to being terrible, someone comes to try and save him, she gets pulled into his crazy and joins him, goes a great deal of time backing his malice, but eventually comes out the other side of abuse and neglect ready to be their own person while the men still chose to be madness incarnate.

I liken black men to the joker for the same reason I reject pretty much all my past writing here as looking back it’s hard as a black man to complain that I can’t find a black woman that likes non toxic black men when I have so many writings that normalize toxic behaviors of black men. How can I complain that black women like bad boys when I shame black women that find black men that aren’t shitty? How do I complain about how men like me aren’t cut out to date because if single moms when many black men who made women single moms make things worse? Hell, why are black women required to solve the problem that is black men who normalize toxic behaviors when the men could just….stop? Hell, going back to the Harley analogy, why am I shocked when women love bad boys when even the so called “good” men still on some level envy toxic acting black men?

I don’t deny my complicity with truly toxic behaviors that black men do because I think it’s time somebody on some level was at least willing to speak truth to the fact that the black community is only in the state it’s in because black men have done our part to cause it harm and I think it’s time we stopped blaming women for learning to adapt to a culture where it’s men started to think it’s cool to be a fuckup and every other man feels shitty because they can’t adapt due to having a good heart.

To say black women need to learn to earn a man’s loyalty or learn to deal with men’s toxic behaviors rather than challenge them is why things are so bad. Honestly, the reason women are rebelling is because noone wants to look up and see that this generation is the end result of years of bad socializing of black men and women who either suffered from it or were badly raised to think such behaviors from men were normal. It’s like a person in bad health that refuses to get better when it could keep them from at least dying a very painful death. And for black men, we could put in the work and stop staying in the comfort of being king ding a ling or the hardest nigga in the streets and could learn to function as people beyond just “real nigga” or “I pull bitches”

Honestly, if you all wonder why so many black men and women either go to the conservative book licking factory or the liberal plantation where black men are only as useful as they are not threatening, simply consider that in the black community you only get communities like ours that makes the kind of people that make plays like “slave play” or create people like Candice Owens because the black community at base doesn’t question who taught us our self paradigm on the whole. And when you break it down, the worst parts of black masculinity, the most toxic parts, all come from voyerism of white eyes on some level. As a black man, I can tell you that I and many other black men like me suffer from low confidence because there isn’t much in society that tells us that you matter if you aren’t highly desired by women, swagged out, making a lot of money and willing to beat someone’s ass at a moment’s notice. Combine this with being a well spoken black man in a world that views latent signs of basic intelligence and manners is weak for a black man to show and you kind of get the point that movies like Tyrell and Being Black Enough point out: men like me aren’t better than the black men in the hood, were just treated nicer by whites because we serve some sort of utilitarian purpose but offer no threat to their ego via lack of implication we serve as competition.

And this is why I hate toxic masculinity so much. Leaning into it doesn’t get me anything more or better by being terrible, but it gets the respect of men and women that thrive in it when I myself can look around and see it’s danger first hand. How many fatherless homes? How many abused women? How many senseless deaths? How many times are black men going to buy into images of ourselves that does us no good in the long run and reject any remotely positive male image as too soft or whatnot because it ruins our comfort?

We can’t keep blaming black women for the failures of the black community if it’s men are by and large unwilling to be better and do better. How many good black men can we push them towards when even the men of means still want to be assholes? How can we convince any black man to be better when we amongst other black men do not respect responsible black men that succeed but praise any and every black man that appears to be something negative that is fun but does nothing to better themselves? Let me just say that I understand that the very things that are toxic within masculinity are fun when removed from any consequences, but we have reached the point that we can’t pretend they don’t exist. I don’t view women as wanting to be side chicks or praise black men who are negative as failures of black women, I view them as the result of a culture that’s failed to properly raise it’s young to know better. We give so much to how young black women are broken but we don’t ask what broke them and we don’t question the state of black men because not enough of us want to admit we made a mistake raising our son’s like this. It’s time we as black men stopped wanting to be like Dr York, it’s time we stopped making excuses for men like R. Kelly, it’s time we called out Bill Cosbys, no matter how many famous white men go down. We need to fix us before we judge without impunity.

What if most of us aren’t fuckable?

I ask this because I look at the Trump family and wonder this in sincerity. Is Donald Trump’s the last great man to get a hot wife because he’s rich despite being hideous? Is ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner the last of rich dorks getting gorgeous wives?

I ask this as I have to deal with the fact that my friends have fucked in my apartment more times than I have. Maybe it’s just that I’m hideous. Maybe I’m unlikable. Maybe it’s just that the joke by Roy wood Jr applies to me. Somebody has to make the hamburgers and give lap dances, and I find myself sexually at the fryers.

Perhaps, maybe, but I think things as they are I realize that too much of what is normalized sexually these days feels alienating. It’s either be a jerk or be a coward. No amount of my confidence can be allowed my need to not alienate women from around me. I’ve always been this way. Been this way since that run in with Brianna Fundenburks back in the day. I feel bad that I creeped her out, I won’t seek her out because she’s got her own life. Got a job, maybe even a kid. But I feel bad. Hope she’s ok.

My soul hurts, my body aches, and I hate that the typically offered solution is to let my heart grow cold and dehumanize women. Yes, I’ve done just that. Maybe I’m just a bad person. Maybe I’m dead and this is my hell. Maybe death is easier than dealing with the burning pain of loneliness.

MCR isn’t coming back

It’s been a month since I wrote here. I’ve had time to think. Basically, I started to go away and start with letting my mom take over my finances and keep from being homeless. I’m tired. I’m trying to sleep and get my mind in sorts but my deadbeat friend is going off grid to go fuck around and now his baby momma is tracking him down because he won’t pick up. And that’s why I just handed part of things over to my mom.

I can’t be him, I had to go to a better therapist because my last was his sister in law and I couldn’t openly discuss my fustration with him and I need to. My whole life I grew up being told to not be like him, having random kids, not working, just messing around with random women…

See, In between all the reactionary shit and misogyny, I think Jordan Peterson attracts so many men because deep down the lazie faire belief that my generation doesn’t fit us all. Many of us need some structure because life has gotten too loose for many of us. We need a job that’s steady, we need an endgame, we need to avoid the inmate run asylum that is modern dating because modern dating feels like it’s much more equal because the typical Moors are decentralized but now we’re left having to play to people’s wants, which sucks only in that many of us are left to very narrow choices, which sucks due things like dating sites.

But back to me. I’m just tired. I just want stability. My chemical romance isn’t coming back, many of my friends are getting married and having kids, I need to get my license, I’m tired.

Carlton Banks: A case study in Inceldom

Carlton banks from “The fresh prince of Bel air” is an interesting character. Interesting in that he’s a pretty accurate example into the many parts of inceldom that are both frustrating from the outside to look in and see and sad when in one way or another you can relate to him. There are about 4 episodes that sums up why I say he’s a good case study in this and I’ll list them here:

“It had to be you” season 1, episode 19

I start with this episode to address the old talking point often used by incels when discussing why women don’t want to date them “they hate nice guys but love assholes” no, you all just love to date women with shitty attitudes that are pretty. This goes to a point I’ve made for a while: dating to day sucks because most men were raised on the idea that dating worked like back in their grandparents days where because the man’s family had money and raised him right, he got another families gorgeous daughter that probably wanted to marry someone else. So now your family trees end up with grandparents era ancestors where the mom’s look like this:

And the dad’s look like this:

Honestly, to know in this episode that Carlton talked her down into submission says more about the women he likes more than women themselves. Just saying.

“M is for the many things she gave me” season 4, episode 22

I bring up this episode because this is a clear case of incompetence as far as Carlton with women. I’ve been in Carlton’s shoes in this, but let’s be honest, you still can’t feel sorry for him as it really is a matter of just being bad with women overall. For as much as I hate when people say “get you some game” I get what they mean on some level but I hate when it means I’d still be left dealing with the same brick a brack they fuck with. But again, Carlton in this episode shows why he fails women wise, 1 being clueless in what to say and and do around women (he eats prunes and has Jeffery cut up his food in front of Wendy, the girl him and will are trying to impress) then when he relishes in Will being embarrassed by being ousted for sleeping with Janice, Wendy’s mother. but thats just me.

“Mama’s Baby, Carlton’s maybe” Season 3, Episode 5

Like I said, other men make dating and pursuing women far less appealing than any woman can. I won’t say Cindy was right In what she attempted in trying to make Carlton the father of a child that clearly wasn’t his, But I will say that this situation getting to the level it go to where it got to by the end (Cindy and Carlton elope only to realize they can’t be together) is mainly because the collective idea of male egos make doing the right if not self preserving option the worst one because It results in a badly wounded pride in front of others. the issue of virginity is a sore one because frankly we as men love to shame each other for the inability to do what many men at young ages don’t actually know the mechanics of. When were adults, and this is why I get upset, we will fuck up our or other peoples lives not even for sex, but rather just to look like we can get it. with situations like this, I get the frustrations of incels but still I think this is a time we all need to understand that, collectively, this kind of mindset could stop if we started being realistic and honest.

“Better to Have love and lost it” Season 4, Episode 5 

At age 12, I lost my virginity to a girl that I would later come to find out was my dads first child 10 years later. I bring this up because I can say first hand that a mans experience with sex on some level impacts how he views sex and sexuality on the whole. For guys like Carlton that have their heart broken after losing it to a woman that he felt dearly for, one could honestly see why he was so hurt. BUT….

I tie this and all points together, not because I want to talk down to anybody, but rather put things in perspective. dating has always sucked. always. Its just that today it sucks because there really seems to be no qualms or set rules. the fact is dating always turns into a sea of getting rejected, or ignored or being told you need to meet a certain personality criteria just to be considered for a date. For as much as I want to mock Carlton, I get why hes so frustrated. We live in a time where the most loud, Neo-Liberal rich and normally attractive women are the face of modern feminism while the biggest detractors are women and men that live in the economic reality of modern life. Maybe the reason you see more guys like Jim Norton or the late Patrice O’Neil being anti feminist is because if anyone knows the bullshit that is modern feminism’s class and looks divide, its them. A guy like Carlton can literally afford to hold out for the women that we see him interacting with in this as frankly his socio-economic station helps this. if youre like a lot of shlubby guys in the midwest, working a shitty job, watching as every have decently pretty girl gets thousands of men trying to get in her inbox, watching as they tell you as a man to stop being shitty or youll get nowhere, but praise all the women that act immature, treating being petty as a joke and not the character flaw that it is. 

fuck this, I’m going to watch black mirror.


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